Date: 25-10-2022

Last night I had a dream about dad. It was quite a positive dream. In the dream my brother wanted to celebrate his birthday. He had moved out of the house of our mother again, and lived at the place where he used to live before he moved in with his now ex girlfriend. But that was now also a student dorm, but with the same agreements he had prior when he first moved into that place.

My brother had invited many friends and family. Both our parents were invited too. In this dream, our parents were divorced. My sister wasn’t there. It was unclear to me whether she wasn’t invited or had declined the invitation. It wasn’t an important thing in the dream, but just a given she wasn’t there.

I too had been allowed to come to this party, but things were still on edge between me and my brother. While at the party I sought the company of our dad. He looked a lot younger, maybe in his early forties. His demeanour was a bit boy-like, while also having a grey hair here and there. He told me he was doing really well since the divorce. He had found himself again.

I wanted to tell him how I am doing some basic carpeting myself now, working with tools in the garage, and that I now finally understood why he himself was always busy working on something late in the evening in the garage, always building or fixing something. I now finally could appreciate how much joy it gave him as I too enjoy it a lot. But dad had so much to tell me that I just sat and listened to him talk.

And he talked and talked and talked. He had so much to say. He talked about how he never had become who he wanted to be, but now he did. It was a treat to just have this moment with him, without any conditions and expectations on either side. We could both just be us, and he was clearly doing well. I have forgotten most of what we (he) talked about but I did recall him asking specifically about my sister.

He asked if we (my sister and I) were still in contact with each other. I told him that we indeed occasionally talked and even meet up sometimes, and that her children often ask when they will go to their uncle (me) again. Dad was delighted to hear this, and asked me to give my sister his regards. I told him I will, and when I woke up I told my sister about this dream.

 

Analysis:

This was such a peaceful dream. I really enjoyed talking to dad. Things between us were good. There was an understanding between us.

There were a few messages in this dream. My mom and dad were divorced in this dream. I think this is a metaphor for them no longer being together due to his passing. “Until death do us part.” In Dutch the word for ‘divorce’ is the same as the word for ‘parting’ so that makes even more sense.

He was doing better, and had found himself. I think this could mean he has found inner peace in the beyond. He was indeed calm and at peace. He told me he was discovering who he really was. It’s fascinating.

He came to my brother’s birthday party. Maybe this tells me he is watching over M. That is something I hope.

I’ve been dreaming many things lately suggesting M is not doing so well right now. The things I’ve seen suggest he is not in a peaceful place right now. Maybe unbalanced. But in this dream he had felt like celebrating his birthday again, even going so far as to invite me. Maybe this means that he is coming to terms with something, or is able to find his drive again. It is a positive sign he celebrated it. I hope he is doing well.

Date: 11-06-2015

Last night I had many smaller dreams. I recall three of them.

Her Place:

In this first dream I went to the home of D, the girl I had recently met online and with whom I will go on a date in a few days. In this dream it was also our first meet up, and it wasn’t overly exciting or crazy. We went to her apartment, which was a one room apartment much like my student dorm room, but with a prominent kitchen behind a wall. Once inside I wanted to look around. Someone’s stuff can tell a lot about them, and I wanted to get to know her better. D agreed, but I could tell she felt I was judging her. I walked past a cupboard or table on which she had a few things on display. It were small items, like jewellery, shiny stones, small figurines, that sort of stuff. While I was admiring these things and saw a small silver Buddha, D said in a slightly nervous tone: “This is just a temporary place. I want to live in a bigger house.” I looked over my shoulder at her, turned around, took her hand and said some comforting words: “Your place is beautiful, because it is your place. That’s what makes this your home.” It eased her into a calmer state of mind. I sat down on her sofa. She said I had sat down at her favourite sitting spot but that it was okay if I sat there now. She then gave me a pendant for my necklace. I don’t recall what the pendant looked like, but I do remember adding it to my necklace while thinking I would change the order of the pendants on the necklace at home so that her gift would better come into its own. D went into the kitchen to fix us something to eat, and this made her a little nervous again. She didn’t know what she wanted to make, but ended up coming out of the kitchen with a plate of oven-baked bread. I love bread, and was quite hungry actually. Nervously she asked if the taste was alright. Again I held her hand and asked her to let go of the feeling I was here to judge whether she would match my expectations: “I am here to meet you, not to meet the person you can be. The only expectation of you I have is that you are yourself.” A tear ran down her face, and she rested her head on my shoulder. I knew in this dream I was going to say this to her more often.

Bitch of the Lake:

In the second dream I remember going to the Naardermeer (a famous Dutch lake in a nature reserve). I was with a group and there were two guides with us; an older man and a young woman. The tour we took was on foot, so we walked around the swampy shores of the lake. But the scenery looked very differently from the actual Naardermeer, and the place was crawling with all manner of tropical animals. This had to do with the temperatures, which had been above average for a while now. Because of this you could find giant tropical millipedes, and various tropical frogs, and so on and so forth. The woman guide was a pretty redhead, with long hair. I struck up a friendly conversation with her, telling her there was a good chance we would come across many frogs as it had recently rained. But upon hearing this statement she looked at me all weird like I had claimed the frogs are made of cheese, and said: “Uhhhh… well…” Then looking at the old man guide, who looked back at me and shook his head. And from that moment on everything I said was questioned and doubted by the woman guide. Things I knew with absolute certainty. She took the role of a complete bitch, so I eventually ignored her completely and took some of my own students with me to look for bugs and other small animals. And we found plenty.

The Secret Floor:

In the third dream of which I have forgotten many things, I had discovered a secret space in the house of my parents. There were some rusty things in that place, and it was quite dusty with a lot of cobwebs everywhere. It was an unpleasant place. This space was on the first floor, and connected to the second floor via an iron staircase outside of the house, which was also quite rusty. Everything inside this secret space was rusty. The view things I recall seeing there were an old iron lawnmower, and a sickle. I realised this was probably the place where all those demons that had been bothering my brother in his sleep since his return to the house were hiding themselves. My dad now had figured out I was inside the house somewhere. He was looking for me, and I saw him walk around the house with an angry look on his face, also looking up at the various windows to try and find me. The secret space too had windows, and he did glance them while searching a few times. So I hid myself, but I also really needed to pee. I wanted to skip out of this secret space and quickly go to the toilet on the first floor, do my thing, and then return back to this hidden space my dad didn’t know existed. But I really didn’t want dad to notice me, cause I knew he would get furious. I somehow knew he wanted to charge me money for entering their house without notice. Money I didn’t have, and besides that I found it so ridiculous for him to demand this. So I quickly went into the toilet room on the first floor and relieved myself. But it kept coming and coming. It didn’t stop. In the dream I recalled I had dreamt something like this before, and I actually thought to myself: “Ow no, this again. Not now.” And somehow this toilet room now had a window overlooking the side of the driveway, and I saw dad walking on the driveway, still looking for me, furiously. The second I saw him, he saw me too, and he ran inside the house to get to me. And that’s when I woke up.

 

Analysis 26-02-2024:

Unbeknownst to me at the time, D indeed lived in a one room apartment, and the first time she had made me something to eat it was oven-baked bread with slices of ham. A few years later in our relationship she would gift me a pendant for my necklace. She would also practice some yoga much more later, but has dropped that since. She has gotten back into making jewellery herself. And indeed she has struggled with her self-image and even hit rock bottom a few years back, confessing to me she thought she was not good enough for me, which I affirmed is not correct. This dream was very revealing.