Date: 09-05-2019
Last night I had another bizarre dream. It started in a small room, maybe in the student dorm. There I sat together with my mother and one of my gay house mates (there were two, who lived in the room next to mine, and they were the worst neighbours I had in my live; despicable people). And the gay neighbour (RS), my mom, and I were for some reason watching TV together. But RS was being his typical self-absorbed him, taking no regard for the people who were watching TV with him in the same room from the same TV. He constantly got up and past in front of the screen, sat down in front of the screen, would answer his phone and have loud conversations with the person calling. Really being him on his worst egocentric day.
It really bothered me, but at the same time I was able to keep my cool, thinking to myself: “He’s just really like this, and I will have to accept that.” What helped was that my mom was there, and I was trying to show her a good version of myself. Every time RS did something annoying my mom and I would make eye contact and I would say something along the lines of: “Yeah, he’s like that. He’s not doing it on purpose; he truly doesn’t understand how annoying he is.” The program on the television was truly bizarre.
It was a movie shown from the perspective of at least myself, and a few other characters, and sometimes from the perspective of an Angels of Death. Not your average ‘Angel of Death’ but a very judgemental one, who acted with the demeanour of a strict school teacher who was punishing bad behaving children. But he did so by literally taking the soul out of the body of the one being judged. It was like he pulled it out of their bodies, which would then fall dead to the ground. The souls were then forced to come with him, to… hell, I suppose? Or some place of punishment? He was vague about that, like that was part of the punishment.
Nobody in the world of the living could see this Angel, unless he addressed them. And when he addressed you, you could only answer from your soul. You were unable to lie to him. This Angel was without mercy. I’ll give you an example: He would go to a swimming pool to collect the soul of a woman who had abused a child in the past. She was in the water. The Angel would walk over the surface of the water to her, and addressed her, confronting her with her deeds. She replied to him from her Soul: “Yes, that is true. I am that person. I did that.” The Angel in turn then grabbed her on the shoulder with one hand, and yanked her soul right out of her body.
While he did that, the body of that woman went into some kind of epileptic state where it would spasm wildly until it died, while the Angel, the collected soul of the woman (basically a copy from how he found her; bathing suit on) and all other collected souls watched on, and moved away. But like I said; he had no mercy at all. While all other people in the pool just saw that woman suddenly die violently, one of the people to rush to her aid was a friend of that woman. She arrived at her friend’s body, now floating lifelessly in the water, and she cried out her name. But then the Angel looked over his shoulder, and saw that friend, and he addressed her too. She now also suddenly saw the Angel appear.
Each time the Angel would address someone it was as if the world around them stood still or something. Or maybe it became muted and time went in slow motion. In the background there was still a lot of panic in and around the pool for what just happened. The Angel spoke: “You knew about the abuse, didn’t you?” From her soul she stammered: “Yes. Yes, I kind of did, yes.” And whoop; he pulled her soul out right then and there: “Than you can come with me too.” The panic in the world of the living was now even greater as now a second person suddenly started spasming in the pool and died. The Angel cared not.
But this was on the TV and this movie was about me. I too had been collected by this Angel. But that Angel had never said a word to me in that dream, so he hadn’t stated my wrongdoing and neither had he pulled my soul out my body. I was completely in the dark whether I was there for another reason, or because whatever I had done was considered so bad he didn’t even want to speak to me, or perhaps by mistake? I felt like shit. This was a form of tension all too familiar to me, from when I was young and living with my parent. I didn’t dare ask the Angel either. Afraid of the consequences of just asking a simple question.
As the Angel moved forward to his next subject, I was walking along with all other collected people. One of them was a man, between 40 and 50 years of age. Looked like a nice guy, but his soul was doomed like everyone else. We began talking with each other. He was a physicist. We both felt innocent. Neither of us had done anything wrong, we felt. We both wanted to escape, so we devised a plan. While the Angel walked around the streets, we agreed that when the opportunity presented itself we would just not come round the corner and wait until the Angel was far enough away. But that plan utterly failed. We saw our chance, but as soon as that Angel got a certain distance away (let’s say 15 to 18 feet) a forcefield would pull us along.
It would pull us straight through solid objects, and it kinda hurt. Walking along was the better alternative. Though we did keep trying, and other souls were trying it too. But nobody was succeeding, and the Angel was now on to us because those other souls had been all but stealthy about their escape attempts. The Angel looked over his shoulder again and said: “Try to escape all you want, you’re coming with me. You don’t have a choice in this matter.” The other souls gave up, but the physicist wasn’t ready to give up. He had a new plan. He said to me: “If there is one thing I know for certain it is that everything in nature is a vibration. That goes for this forcefield too. It operates on a frequency. We just have to align ourselves to that frequency and we should be able to break free!”
And with pure force of will the man started pushing against the forcefield. It looked like he was trying to walk into a hurricane wind, but you know what? After a few tries he actually popped right through the energy barrier! He started to encourage me to try it too: “Come on, give it a try! You can do it!” But the Angel had noticed the escape. I panicked and gave it a shot. It was now or never. What helped me was that I felt I was truly being judged unfairly. And it was working! The environment around me started to crackle and vibrate, like when I go to the astral plane when I go to sleep. And bang! I got through.
The Angel would have none of it, but from his tone I could hear this was different for him. He was no longer in control, and I gathered that catching us now would be a difficult task. Where he had total control before, he now chased us, but had to take into account solid object and gravity. The man who escaped first bolted out of sight, and the Angel naggingly commented on our escape: “So what’s your plan now; wonder the Earth without being able to do anything?” It was a far cry from his authoritarian demeanour from before. And what he said sounded fantastic to me. I imagined walking the Earth and going places I have never seen, chilling at night in the forest, talking to other souls, free rides, performances, movies, never hungry, never having to take into account heat or cold. I could even visit places I would normally not even be able to visit. It was a jackpot!
I too took off like a wild animal. But the Angel wasn’t going to give me up just. He had some kind of supernatural ability to try and catch me. He would broaden his shoulders while facing me, and then a kind of tractor-beam would come from his chest, pulling me back into the forcefield bubble. Through this he caught the physicist quite quickly. I ran like a gazelle being chased by a cheetah, took quick and tight corners, left, right, left, right, leaped over a fence, through an open door, quick and random. And it was working. But the Angel was in hot pursuit. Sometimes he would get a brief moment of direct line of sight, and broadened his shoulders. And when he did I felt it became really difficult to maintain speed, but as soon as I went around a corner or behind an obstacle, the pull would break. He was losing me.
There was this whole scene where another Angel was helping me. I do not recall it any more. Just fragments. But it was an Angel that thought my capture had been illegitimate, or perhaps this Angel was really impressed with my escape from Death. I don’t know. But I do recall this Angel was friendly and understanding. Possibly all this was part of some kind of test and the two Angels were working together. Or perhaps the judgemental Angel wasn’t part of the system that keeps the balance. Or perhaps all of the above? But she (yes, it was a female Angel) helped me, taught me how I could become invisible for the Angel of Death, and how to change my appearance, and even become objects.
The rest of this movie was about how I practised these new abilities while trying to evade the Angel of Death, who was still looking for me. I recall being in a gym where I had snuck inside through making myself invisible, and the Angel of Death was again on my trail, but due to my new abilities he was no longer a real threat, and I had transformed myself into a towel on a rack. Even if the Angel were to find me, and catch me, he couldn’t hold on to me. I would resist and escape again.
So, this and more (I have forgotten so much of it) was on the TV. The TV was this typical old box shaped thing, as deep as it was wide. And you know what happens? That asshole of a neighbour got up and went to sit somewhere else, where he could no longer see the television screen, so he got up again, and turned the TV stand so the screen faced him. It was a heavy thing, so it cost RS considerable effort, and the feet of the stand scraped over the floor. He was turning it until me and my mom were literally looking at the side of the device. And I just snapped. I’d had enough of this dude.
My calm “he’s just like that” stance made way for my ‘I’ve taken way too much from this little prick, and that ends today’ moto. What followed was one of those epic rants I am known for. I do not recall the words, but I assure you it was devastating for him to hear. I fired a barrage of truths, and compared them through metaphors. My words were like lashes of a whip, slicing through his ego and hitting him on his sense of decency. I do recall my closing statement, but let me paraphrase how my rant started. I said: “What in God’s name do you think you’re doing?” And while I unleashed my truth salvo he looked sadder and sadder. Near the end he had no other option than to face the truth that he was a total dipshit. And I recall I even implemented that towards the end.
My rant ended with: “I’ve accepted so much of your behaviour, but that says nothing about how utterly inexcusable your behaviour has always been. Cause whether I accepted your behaviour or not, it changes nothing of the fact you are just a piece of shit. That’s what all the people in this house think of you, when you play music from your phone speaker while in the hallway at night. Every one just thinks to themselves “Jesus, what an asshole.” and those people are spot on!” Something along these lines. And after hearing it, he didn’t even argue back. I demolished his confidence. He just started moving the TV back to its original position, sat down and stared into an imaginary void. Something in me felt sorry for him. I felt a bit of pity for him. But part of me also felt it was about time somebody voiced this and showed him a mirror for his behaviour. It was sad, but it was time he heard these words.
But now the kicker: In closing I told him: “It’s only a matter of time before that Angel of Death comes to collect you.” But that was maybe a little short-sighted to say, cause after I had said it I realised none of us three would want that Angel to come and visit. RS knew I was right and the Angel would surely take him, but as we saw in the movie, he’d take anyone along the way while at it. My mom was clearly also a candidate for collection, and I myself had escaped his judgement in the movie, but he would still want to collect me. After I had said it, the three of us sat on the couch in silence, each of us hoping that Angel would not come for any of us.
Analysis:
This was a very potent dream. Its message is not as straight forward as I thought it was. It’s quite abstract. This dream is about judgement. I think about my own judgement. My judgement of others and my judgement about myself.
The movie on the TV was ‘seen’ from the eyes of multiple players. Me, the Angel of Death, the physicist, other judged souls. I think I was all of them. Each of them was a part of me.
I was the physicist too. A guy who through his smarts figured out how to excuse himself from judgement. My own judgement that is. But I got a good vibe from that character. The bad character in this dream was without a doubt the Angel of Death. So the physicist was a good part of me. I think if I use my brains I can see which judgement is fair and which is not.
The Angel of Death is my judgemental side. It’s the part of me that judges harshly and without mercy, and some of it is just but some of it is too harsh. This side of me can be blind and unforgiving.
I was in the company of two others who my judgemental side would say deserve judgement. Regardless whether that is true in the grander scheme of things; I sat there with them. We were, in that situation, equals. This I think is to illustrate to myself that if I want to judge others I cannot do so without also judging myself. If I think others deserve judgement, I too deserve that judgement.
