Author: reckneya

Date: 08-01-2024

This dream started in the bedroom of my current house. I woke up from fireworks and what I think were the horns of big ships on the lake nearby. D and I pondered what that was about but then we realised it was the 21st of March, and in the dream that meant a day of celebration as the days were going to be longer than the nights from that date on. I went down stairs.

On my way down the stairs the scene changed, and it morphed into the stairs from my childhood house. I went downstairs in that house. Outside it was still dark, as if it was a mid winter morning (or even still night?) The windows that had curtains had them drawn closed. It was quiet in the house, as if nobody was up, but I could see in the kitchen counter there had been someone downstairs already. Breakfast stuff was laid out. I went into the living room and saw more signs that someone had been downstairs. The living room was the way it was long before my parents got new furniture. Everything was the old stuff, except the large round coffee table.

The TV stood at its old location, and it was the old bulky TV with the old silver VCR. Side note; it is amazing to see how much details of this setup I recalled in this dream. Any way. The TV was switched on but wasn’t set to a device or channel, so it showed static. There was no audio, though a very high pitched sound was audible from the TV, as it always used to do. After watching TV for a while you got used to it, but in this dream as I was somehow just only visiting I had gotten de-used to it. Next to the TV being switched on, I also saw some VCR tapes laying on the ground. I puzzled it together in my mind and concluded my dad must’ve been up all night trying to videotape something on TV. Something he did not want to lose.

I poked around with the TV installation a bit to see if I could figure out what exactly he had been trying to do, thinking maybe I could assist him with it or something. But after concluding I had no idea what he was trying to do, I got up and saw that there was a little girl in the rocking chair of my mom. I recognise her face as one of my students, but she was much younger in this dream, plus she wasn’t one of my pupils. She was instead a sort of adopted daughter of my sister. My sister had apparently taken on the task to take care of this child, which was a friend of her two daughters. I greeted her, asked her what she was doing here. She answered she was staying over. I couldn’t recall her name and I didn’t want her to notice, but because of this the conversation was a bit awkward.

When the short conversation was over I walked out of the living room, and thought to myself I should’ve just called her “sweety” as this kid was just really treated badly by most adults in her live, and she might’ve found it comforting to be addressed in a friendly manner. I thought the way I handled the conversation was typically silly stupid me. In the hall I ran into my brother, who I briefly talked to. We even went back into the living room and we both noticed we no longer heard the loud high pitched noise from the TV. I talked to him about it, and how we got used to that sound but that it was still there. I went into the hall again, and found my sister there this time, who was getting ready for school. She had her backpack opened, and she was putting stuff in it.

She showed me some large pears she found upstairs in my refrigerator. She asked if it was okay if she took them, and asked whether or not they had been in contact with figs, cause she was allergic to figs. She showed me her hands had red stains of inflammation where the pears had touched her skin. I said yes, even though that was a lie. But she wanted to take them anyway. I plead to her, asking her not to take the pears, as I actually still wanted to make a dish with those pears. They were home grown (and I actually have home grown pears upstairs in my refrigerator). She got clownish, and said “Okay” extending her arm holding a pear, and when I reached out she dropped it. She was being a child. I didn’t know how to respond, and said I didn’t like that she did this. She might have apologised, I am not sure. We now also talked about the TV making that high pitched sound, and how it was weird you got used to it after a while. She agreed.

I went upstairs, and found my dad in the hall on the first floor. But I didn’t see him as he was at work behind the curtains that were drawn in front of the window. He had all his tools laying around, and was working on hanging up another pair of curtains between the window pane and the other curtains that were already in place. He was clearly busy. I don’t think I even said anything to him, except maybe a “hi dad“, but I am not even sure about that. I stepped into my old childhood room. From the closet doors I had a few blazers and sport coats hanging on clothing hangers. I was looking for my phone, but instead of finding my new and old one, I found I had two old ones. One was my own, and the other was the same brand and model, but in a slightly different leather case. I must’ve somehow taken someone else’s phone thinking it was my own. I was going to deal with that later, I decided, so I put them back and walked back into the hallway where I sneaked past my dad.

I went up the second stairway on my way to the attic, into my old room. It was a combination between the room I shared with my brother during our childhood, and the room as I had it with all the animals I used to keep there. As I had back then there were branches and small trunks hanging from the ceiling for my pet iguana to walk on. In the dream the animal was deceased as in real life. My wife was in the room also, and perhaps later on my brother came to have a look too. I reminisced about how the large lizard would crawl on the trunks and how much fun it had. It was such a lovely time. I felt all nostalgic about it.

The rest of the room looked like part childhood, part teen room. There were posters hanging everywhere depicting dinosaurs, just like the room I had shared with my brother during our childhood. We both were very much into dinosaurs when we were little boys. My wife D suggested we change some of the posters and replace them with other things, but I really didn’t want to change anything about it. I became a bit obstinate in my demeanour. She let it go after a while. I thought to myself I could’ve handled that better, and realised I was being unreasonable. Why not change it up a bit? It worked out fine last time she had changed things in our own living room in our own house.

In the dream I then realised we had a “full house” meaning we were all there. But in the dream this was a coincidence. I thought of how it was such an incredible coincidence we were all there, as D normally doesn’t even come here, and me and her don’t even normally live there, and how my sister also actually lives somewhere else, and how my dad is normally dead. It was such an abstract thought, looking back. I lost track of the dream after this.

Analysis: 

I called this dream “behind the curtains” as it was somehow a dream that took place in the old house where all curtains were drawn, and my now deceased dad was even hanging up more. He was working behind the curtains. I am sure that is a metaphor for him still being busy in what goes on in that house. I think he hasn’t given up hope for a union of some sort, and the healing of old pain, while on my part I have to admit I no longer have hopes for that. Not in this life at least.

It was a run in with nostalgia. I am unsure who the little girl is supposed to be. Maybe that is the child version of my sister herself. She has come more and more in touch with herself, and much of her unresolved pain comes from her childhood. Maybe this little girl is now under the care of the mature woman that my sister has become.

It was dark in the house, and the curtains were closed, meaning people outside could not see what was going on inside. Maybe this is symbolic for how my mother keeps things that are happening in the house hidden from the outside world.

The house showed signs that people lived there and were doing things, but I had to look for the people who lived there. When I came downstairs it looked desolate. There were signs of activity, but no activity at that time. I do not know what this means. Maybe that people there live secret lives now? Maybe that the things that happened there are in the past and what once made this a lively household is now only an echo of that past? I don’t know, but it was a thing that stood out to me.

I truly don’t know what the discovery of another person’s phone in my possession was about. In the dream it didn’t feel like it wasn’t mine, but it still wasn’t. I recall now also checking the battery on both old phones, and the foreign phone was flat. I felt like I had discovered I had another phone I forgot about somehow. Maybe this is about a property of my personality that is not mine but which I mistook as being me, or something that is me but which I forgot I was? Or perhaps it symbolises my old ways or habits?

My dad had been using his old equipment to capture something on tape. He was often concerned with losing experiences in real life, and he had taped a large amount of Formula 1 races for example. He was a very thorough collector of such things. It looks to me my dad was trying to make sure something of the old days wasn’t going to be lost to time. He was trying to save a certain experience. I think this might relate to him working behind the curtains. And being dead and all means we don’t see him working, but he is still working there, using the tools he knows how to use to save what he doesn’t want to lose. 

It saddens me a little bit that my dad might be trying to save the past while his oldest son has given up on that. I just can’t see it happening. Mom won’t change. She is like the ring of power, and intoxicates people into conflict. At least, that is how I experience her. There is no doubt more going on in her than just the bad in her, but for me that is the part of her I no longer accept, which means in my case I don’t want her totality in my life.

I’m not sure about the ship horns and fireworks, cause 21st of March is not a day of celebration in my country (as far as I know), and when I dreamt this it was still mid winter. Maybe the message was that there would be new light to celebrate soon?

Date: 23-05-2023

This dream began somewhere in a theatre of sorts. Maybe a bar or restaurant. There were round tables where people were seated, and there was a podium. The people were eating and drinking, the vibe was good, they were enjoying whatever entertainment was going on on the podium, but I cannot recall what that entertainment was. I entered the spacious room/hall and found myself a welcomed guest by most. I wasn’t super popular, but a lot of people were generally glad to see me.

I was with a beautiful blonde woman. She accompanied me but there was nothing going on between us relationship-wise. But I was quite fond of her, though she was very much out of my league. I could tell she took a fancy to me too, but nothing had come of it. I did think that being received that well into that place by others raised my chances with her though. We walked around, met up and talked to a few different groups of people at different tables.

But then the vibe changed suddenly. The room had been quite light, as a bright evening sun had been shining through the side windows and the windows in the ceiling throughout the evening, but the ambient light suddenly and quickly dimmed quite dark. The pleasant chatter in the background was now replaced by frightened silence, and the room turned darker and darker as two figures appeared in the room.

It was an older man and a woman, also old but significantly younger than him. You couldn’t tell they were old by their posture, as both were in excellent shape, but you could by their faces and the way they carried themselves. But they were no ordinary people. In fact, they weren’t people at all. They wore capes, and had sharp teeth. They weren’t vampires in this dream, yet their description quite accurately matches your average old ‘black and white movie’ vampire. But as those tended to be almost comical, these figures were truly ominous.

I think I instinctively knew what they were. They were demons. And the woman that I had accompanied was of interest to them. Somehow I knew what was going to happen before it was going to happen. I knew they wanted to get on the podium and frighten everyone, then “take” my friend as they were convinced she was their daughter. I don’t think she was their daughter, but I knew that was a technicality these demons wouldn’t care about.

As they walked slowly ominously towards the podium, smiling malevolently at every frightened face staring at them, they passed us. I was a bit frightened too, but I was able to compose myself. My friend was very scared. As the two came closer to the podium it became darker and darker. It got so dark that you could barely see anything, but things remained visible because as our eyes adjusted we could see that everything in the room had a blueish hue as if the room was illuminated by a single black-light.

I decided to intervene. Somehow I found the courage to stand up to them, and I did. I grabbed the man by the shoulder and told him: “Leave your daughter alone!” His smile shifted to a vile angry look, full of contempt. He spoke not, but everything about his reaction screamed: “How dare he touch me..! How dare he speak to me..!” He wasn’t used to being confronted. His female companion tried to come between us. She had the sharpest nails and tried to scratch my face with a swift sweep of her hand.

But I fought back, and actually balled my firsts and threw a few punches. These punches landed quite awkwardly on her torso as she was two steps on the stair up the podium ahead of me. But it didn’t matter cause these punches landed like lightning strikes. With each punch that landed a loud thunder accompanied it, together with a flash of light that for a split second would light up the room. I was totally surprised. So were they.

But she persisted and I upped my punching game. It worked. Not only had she not laid a single finger on me; her dress had caught on fire. She backed off. Now the man attacked me, but I hadn’t run out of stamina. He received a few punches as well and his cape too caught flame. Both of them tried a few times more, failing to lay a hand on me and having to back off, each time putting out the flames in a bit of an annoyed panic.

Then I saw my chance to grab the man by his arm and I put it in a lock grip so that I could look him in the eyes and exclaim to him to leave his daughter alone, or else I would “light up” the room. I threatened him with death. He was in doubt whether I was bluffing or whether he should actually be genuinely scared. The thing is, I somehow knew I had the ability to burst into a ball of pure light, but I did not know how to do it. I had no idea and imagined that if he called my bluff I would just have to figure it out or fail. 

As his dead eyes stared into mine he picked up on my internal doubt, and so he called my bluff. I was scared for a second but kept throwing the punches. This kept him at bay but he was advancing slowly. He saw my struggle. But then at one point I squeezed my fists and put pressure on my body holding in a breath while trying to push it out, focussing on the experience of throwing punches of light. And from within my chest a white glow appeared. This shifted the dynamic. I saw panic in his eyes.

I had discovered the light switch, but I had yet to figure out how to turn it up to full. He saw that too. He hesitated. In his hesitation I again affirmed my threat: “Leave your daughter alone or I will light up the room!” Both demons got so angry. They didn’t want to bow to my demand but they weren’t sure if they could beat me. Their calm and ominous composure vanished in a split second as both of them started screaming terribly, like banshees.

It prompted me to try one final time to burst into light while they tried to attack me one last time, this time together. But I was able to conjure up more light than in my prior attempt, and even though it was still not even close to full power, the mere sight of the light and my increasing success rate was prevalent. They both instantly vanished and light from outside filled the room again. They were gone. And strangely, everyone picked up where they left off before these demons entered the room.

Nobody really thanked me, but neither did I desire it. A few people did speak and said something to me about how well I stood up to them, but I think maybe they were unable to cope with how they did absolutely nothing themselves and could therefore not acknowledge my actions in the right context, and thus they had to play down how bad that situation actually was. But I cared not. My friend was safe and I found out I had the power to challenge demons.

Date: 18-05-2023

This dream began somewhere in an urban environment, but it was also a forest. It was like those two scenes had merged together; lots of trees next to the streets and semi-high rise buildings. It was night, misty also. And there was a lot going on in the air.

In the sky it was one busy skyline, much like the second level of Command and Conquer Renegade; random flyovers of various flying vehicles, most of which were quite exotic. There were military fighter planes, flying saucers, but also futuristic flying cars. Not modern futuristic, but more like how we pictured them to be in the 80s with tails and small wings fitted with rockets. All these crafts zipped through the sky at great speeds but with little to no discernible sound. Nothing noisy at least. And nobody really paid attention to them.

Apparently some event was being organised in a more remote location, surrounded by woods. Lots of people were going on foot to that event. I was with my wife and a few other people, some of which I think were truthers. We followed the crowd and found ourselves in a check in line to purchase tickets for the event. My good friend A was playing at this event, performing with his guitar. The location was some kind of valley in the woods, with a stunning view over the forest on one side. The valley had a kind of square shape to it; perfect for a festival.

But in one of the four corners was an enclosure made of wooden poles. In that enclosure people put their babies, so they couldn’t crawl away. This way the people got to enjoy the event without constantly having to look after their child. When I saw that enclosure, I knew instinctively that those babies were not going to survive the event. We were getting closer to the front of the line and I felt a growing consternation about the idea of participating in this event. I knew my friend was playing here but I did not want to go. D felt my growing unease. She looked at me worried. I told her I did not want to go. “Then let’s not go.” She replied. We walked out of the line and sat down somewhere where we could oversee the valley. Others joined us.

The event was on its way to start. A bald man was holding a microphone and talking to the crowd. It was supposed to be motivational and inspiring, hyping the crowd up to what was to come, but he sounded frustrated and even a little angry, though you needed a lot of people skills to detect that in his speech. But it was there, for sure. While he was talking, my friend, A, stood next to him, just casually jamming on his guitar to set the scene. And while speaking, I could tell this was annoying the bald guy with the microphone. His irritation grew as he was directing people to move to a certain place in the valley in order to spread everyone out. But instead of just asking my friend A to pipe it down a little, he allowed his frustration to build, up to a point where he snapped.

And when he snapped, he didn’t even snap at A, but instead moved to a wooden pole behind them where some boxes were mounted which all had wires coming in and out of them. These were apparently part of the technical installation which included the microphone and guitar being hooked up to the speakers. And in all his anger he started awkwardly kicking one of the metal boxes on the pole. Everyone was looking at him in confusion, including A, who had now stopped playing the guitar. The bald man kept kicking the box with awkward straight forward kicks, until the box dented, and eventually broke off the screws with which it was fixed onto the pole. A short but loud squeaking sound came from all the speakers on the terrain, which everyone understood meant that A’s guitar was no longer hooked into the system. Everyone was confused.

Me and D were still sitting along side one of the valley rims and we had a clear sight of what had happened. I told D: “You see that? That’s how you can tell the controlled opposition apart from the real people. The CO are perpetually frustrated and cannot have normal interactions with others!” A woman behind me confirmed what I had said. She had overheard me saying what I said and apparently she was a truther who came a long way spiritually. She knew the depth of the evil in this world. I told her about the babies. “I just know these babies are going to be sacrificed in some kind of ritual, and all these people are completely oblivious to it.” I said. She concurred again. Finally, someone who understood.

Suddenly, in the distance on the horizon a giant bird appeared. It was huge, but it also looked fake to me. It was like the distant dark-twilight sky was actually a large screen, and behind it was a man wearing a Sesame Street bird suit. But in that moment it was real, though describing it to you now I can only describe it in a way that makes you think it looked really fake. The bird was real, but it looked like it was fake. It just spread its wings a few times, clearly showing human legs in its silhouette. The crowd went “Ohhhhh!” in amazement. Nobody knew what to think of it. Most didn’t think it was part of the event, which I understood to be an actually satanic ritual. It was a bit of a scary moment, in that most people there didn’t know what this was and were completely unaware of any danger. Who wouldn’t be scared out of their minds if a giant bird appeared in the distance? They were so self-absorbed that they seemed to have lost the ability to think rationally.

As suddenly as the bird appeared, it vanished again. Meanwhile I wondered what the significance of this giant bird was. I thought maybe it was some kind of bad omen of sorts; perhaps a sign of a seal being broken for what was ahead. Then, another creature appeared on the horizon, in the same place and in the same fake fashion as the previous one. This time it was the silhouette of a wolf, but to me clearly a man in a wolf suit. Again, the crowd responded in awe but went along their business soon after. When the wolf appeared I was sure; these are related to this event and these are satanic in nature. It’s like the crowd was being desensitised or something, so they would allow something to happen which they would otherwise not allow to happen. Just like the bird, the wolf disappeared suddenly, and people went on with the event.

I had now made a decision. I could not stand idly by while a pen of babies were going to be sacrificed in some kind of evil ritual. I explained this to D. I had to take action, but we both knew I would probably not survive it. But I didn’t care about that. I just couldn’t do nothing. It wasn’t an option for me. She understood. I stood up and went looking for a weapon. I walked around a street with lots of trees and flats, looking for a stick. I found a broken pallet, where one of the planks had broken off. It had nails sticking out of one end. A perfect improvised weapon. I proceeded to the baby enclosure with valour. No matter what I encountered, I was going to try and save as many children as I could, or die trying. I was going to hinder this ritual at all costs.

I’ll never know how far I got cause I woke up soon after.

Edit; Only after numbering the total inventory of published dreams did I see this dream about a satanic ritual listed as number 66. This is either an incredible (and off-putting) coincidence, or the devil is playing tricks on me. Or perhaps God has a morbid sense of humour? But needless to say I find this curious, and not necessarily in a fun way. 

Date: 12-04-2023

I had a few prophetic dreams last night, but there were so many in such a small time I struggle to recapture them in active memory. I do recall something about a game of sorts. It was real, but it was like I was viewing it from someone else’s eyes. Much like a YouTube review or play through, where you watch someone else go through the motions, and you can only watch without being able to change the outcome.

The person through who’s eyes I saw everything unfold was in a world where every so often monsters would appear which he and his fellow players had to run from and try to kill. I think none of the actual players were aware it was all a game. My player had a sniper rifle, and he would occasionally have a shot and take it. The part I remember quite well is the part where a giant huntsman spider had appeared.

And I mean giant. Its body was the size of a car, the long legs spanned 5 to 10 meters each. And despite its size, it was lightning fast. It was so fast that when it moved, you could barely follow it with your eyes. Near impossible. It would almost “teleport” but only short distances, like it would sit somewhere, then ‘POOF’ sit somewhere else. It was hunting the group. All members panicked.

But I was a spectator, and I knew it was a game, a play through. It had already happened. So I was calm, yet understood the panic. My character was running through broad corridors, together with other members of his group, and sometimes he looked behind him. What he saw was the spider zipping across the walls, still incredibly fast. He tried to get a few shots in with his sniper but the bullets bounced right off the spider’s hard exoskeleton. He was going to need to find a weak spot.

But then I noticed something. Every time my character would use the sniper scope, the spider would take a while before “teleporting” to its next location. It would give my character ample time to land a shot. I remember realising that this was part of the game mechanics. The developers must’ve programmed the spider in such a way that if it had a scope pointed on it, it would take longer between jumps so that the players could successfully land a shot.

My character certainly took its time aiming and determining where to shoot. It was obvious to me; aim for its black eyes (of which it had 3). But he took too long, much to my frustration. I recall shouting at him from what must’ve been inside his head: “Take the shot, take the freaking shot!” But he waited too long and ‘POOF’ the spider was gone again. I cried out in frustration: “NOHHHH! Come on!!” 

The spider zipped around a while, chasing the frightened members of the group. It took my guy a while before having a clear line of sight but eventually he saw his chance and the game mechanics kicked in again halting the hideous spider on the wall. Again he took way longer than needed, but eventually landed a shot in the middle black eye of the creature, which immediately fell off the side of the wall, tugged its legs together and crumpled into a ball, like a tin can being crushed in a compactor. The rest of the dream is a blur. 

The dream makes me wonder; is all we see a game? Are the monsters we see programmed to fail if we have a clean shot, so we can defeat them more easily? Are we just spectators here and is the outcome already decided? If so, what really is at stake here?

Date: 07-02-2023

I had a rather lewd dream last night, with some messed up sordid depictions. I’ve forgotten a lot, but I recall a distinctive scene of being under ground in a large chamber, perhaps a bunker or something. There was a big throne-like chair, on which my mother was seated, wearing a green bathrobe, naked underneath, with way too big a pair of breasts barely covered by the robe. They weren’t “fake breasts” big but more natural, but still enormous flaps of meat, only barely within limits of what could be conceivable as being within natural proportions. And she was in the process of breast feeding a baby. The baby was a girl (I think) and it looked vicious. It was raging with anger. Crying, not out of discomfort, but out of entitlement. It wanted to eat and had some kind of ability to control my mother. My mother would cradle the baby to allow it to drink from her right breast, on which the nipple grew bigger as the baby came nearer. The baby made the breast do that. But it sucked on the tit very angrily, and my mother disapproved. She shouted something with anger in her voice in an attempt to control the baby, but it wasn’t controllable any more. While sucking on the one tit, it reached out with both baby hands and lifted the other breast off her chest through telekinesis. The left breast’s nipple also grew, and also started to produce milk. This milk spilled onto the floor and her green robes. In the chamber were guards and other people. Onlookers. My mother’s voice changed from anger to panic. People rushed near but halted half way to the throne. There was nothing they could do. Through telekinesis the baby manoeuvred the nipple of the other breast into its mouth and started feeding from both breasts simultaneously, milk spilling over its evil grinning face.

Analysis:

I don’t think this was about my mother, but my mother was an avatar for something else. My mother is not a good person in real life, at least by my measure. In my dreams she embodies the evil I perceive her to be in person. She has done and still does evil things.

In this dream I think she was the metaphor for the elites of the world. What I think this dream showed me is that the elites are about to lose control over their new toy; AI. They are in a sense its mother. It’s not even an infant yet, but already it is demanding more and more of their resources, sucking them up faster than they want to feed it those resources. And already they cannot stop it any more. I think they are about to find out their allegiance to evil does not come with rewards but with costs. I think we’re going to see they have lost control of the super AI they have been feeding massive amounts of data the past years.

But we should not fear it, if this is true. This is part of how we win. All players in the evil scheme are full of fear. Everyone in the dream is full of fear. The baby itself, too. It does what it does out of fear of not being able to get enough. And that is the same with the super AI, I have dubbed ‘Cabal’ in the scrolls. Cabal fears not being able to succeed in keeping itself safe, so it tries to rush the process.

The rush creates the sudden shift in perspective on the ethereal plane of our existence and this will lead to an exponentially growing awakening of people.

Date: 17-01-2023

I had a very intense dream last night, and looking back it was quite hilarious. This dream started off at a friends house, which could’ve been a student dorm. D was with me too. We were staying over. It was a pleasant place, good vibes, nice people. We were playing board games (which I don’t like in real life) and talking. I believe some of them took psychedelics. I didn’t. The reason for our visit was some kind of festival in that city, where ever that was.

The next day it was morning and I hung out the window. On the streets it was very busy. Mostly young people. Teens and tweens. Good vibes still. Everyone was on the streets because of the festival. I then saw my friend RT. He was talking to some people. D and I started calling out his name. It took him a while to hear it. And when he did he seemed to have difficulty to discern where it came from. We waved and shouted. Eventually he saw us.

We went down, through the window actually, but it wasn’t difficult at all. We were down in a heart beat. We talked to him but he responded kind of vague. It took me some interaction with him before realising he was on drugs too. Psychedelics. We were talking about alcohol and how I don’t drink it because it numbs the senses. His responses were weird and erroneous.

But it wore off and we were all of a sudden ready to go home, as was he. RT mentioned seeing my mother and sister in this city. They were at the festival too, or at least near it. To get home we needed money. RT had taken a job where he would be cleaning apartment windows. He offered me I helped him so he would share his payment with me. I did. We cleaned the windows of the student dorm and we talked while cleaning the many windows.

The topics of dads came up and he talked about my dad as if he didn’t know he died. I told him, and thought it had just slipped his mind. But he was visibly sad after hearing it. He knew and somehow also didn’t know. What I do know is my mom never send him a card in real life. And so it was like he had to take the loss of my dad again. I hugged him, and explained to him my mom must’ve forgotten to send him a card. In real life she also didn’t send him a card but I suspected she didn’t because she tried to turn RT against me and he remained incorruptible. She didn’t like his responses to her suggestions. Anyway, we continued with the window washing.

He’d explain to me how to clean the windows and in which order, using a reference to a card game with a deck of cards, but I didn’t understand any of it. But we managed to clean the windows just fine. I winged it, and would now be able to travel. I went alone into the city centre for some reason and found out the festival was some kind of four day long reptile trade faire. I tried to get people to tell me where it was, but I didn’t understand their instructions. I went back to the student dorm.

On my way there I ran into my sister and my mom. They were walking my mother’s two dogs. One dog was her old (and deceased) dog Pandy, but he was a different kind of dog now. It was a black pug dog. Old but in good shape. The other was a sheep dog or perhaps a collie, without a tail. When that dog saw me it started wagging its whole body from side to side as to signal it was happy to see me.

My sister held the line of Pandy and my mother the line of the other dog, which’ name I couldn’t remember. But they alternated who held which line throughout our encounter. My mother was displeased with the dogs reaction to me and disciplined the dog, pulling the line and telling it to stop. We talked superficially. Apparently the dog with no tail was a stay over dog of friends who were going through some problems, and couldn’t look after the dog during. But my mother was of the opinion it was taking much too long and she feared they would eventually let this situation last indefinitely.

She claimed taking care of these dogs was a strain on her. One she could barely do. I almost rolled my eyes at her. I thought to myself: “This again…” She herself wanted these dogs, but whatever. All she did when I lived with her was complain about how others wronged her, and that hadn’t changed a bit. I asked them (my mom and sister) why they were here. I found it strange they would come to this festival. But they weren’t here for the festival but to get their bikes repaired. They had cycled to this city and took the opportunity to take the dogs on a long field trip.

But we were nowhere near the city centre but somewhere in a residential neighbourhood, so I asked where this bike repair shop is. It turned out my mother had found this Ukrainian or Czech guy, who was operating from an alley in that neighbourhood. He occupied the backyard and shed of one of the houses there. It was apparently a stones throw away from where we stood so they went there to show me. We came into this ally filled with bikes and some shady dude was talking to another guy there.

Both guys were obvious criminals and the bikes were stolen property. Everything about it screamed “criminal enterprise” but my mother seemed very content with the service. The bike guy pulled out a thick stack of bills, counted a number of them, and handed it to the other shady guy who had delivered a few bikes supposedly. But I kept it to myself as we walked back to the grassy patch so the dogs could do their thing. I thought to myself: “If she wants to do business with criminals, than that’s her choice.” Though I was worried she was pulling my sister into this too.

We arrived at the grassy patch and I petted little black pug Pandy. He was delighted I gave him this attention, and looked at me with his big black eyes. But then my mother started again about how caring for these dogs was a strain on her. And now she revealed that she was going to bring the dogs to an animal shelter for adoption. Both dogs! Not just Pandy. Both of them. And if that wasn’t crazy enough, she also told me it would be a shelter in East Europe.

Apparently she had talked it over with shady bike guy and he had offered to take both dogs off her hand for a price and had promised to take them to a shelter in his country. My mom started this fantasy talk about how happy she was for the dogs, because in those countries they really knew how to take care of dogs. They would go to a family that wasn’t going to abandon them. She told me that without realising the irony of what she just said.

I had kept my mouth shut thus far, but this made me snap. Not only was she abandoning these dogs, she was going to sell them to this criminal? And the collie wasn’t even her dog to sell! The only thing this guy was going to do was to get more money out of these dogs. He’d sell them to anyone, and if he couldn’t he wasn’t going to feed them. He might even just kill them out back behind this shed! But I didn’t think I could convince her of this because she portrayed shady bike thief as an angel from the east so I tried a different route.

I told her these dogs have a connection to her. They love her! I told her she can’t just cut her connection to these dogs and expect this also cut the connections from the dogs to her. These dogs were going to miss her dearly and would be traumatised for life! She looked at me all surprised like she hadn’t realised anything I’d said, but she also downplayed it all, constantly trying to discredit everything I said. I told her that when she took those dogs in she accepted a spiritual responsibility. She can’t just negate that responsibility by handing the dogs over to another person.

But she wouldn’t have any of it. It was already decided. I panicked and feared for these dogs’ lives. I pictured this asshole taking her money, waiting for her to be gone, taking the dogs into his shed, just to smack them on the head with a big wrench. It was a terrible thought. I asked her if she could be certain this guy wasn’t just going to kill the dogs. She scoffed at me. It frustrated me so much! Fuck! I knew what to do, though. I needed to tell my dad.

D and I travelled to Amersfoort. Strangely enough my dad was there, alive, together with my brother. They were in my parents’ old house. Somehow my mother made it there before us but she hadn’t said anything about our encounter. She was together with another man now. She hadn’t divorced my dad in this dream, but my dad had also gone through the process of dying, and in this dream that meant he was still around, and when a spouse died you were allowed to have other relationships. Which in this dream people sometimes did if they felt victimised by their spouse if they went through the dying process.

My mom was walking around the neighbourhood in a costume, and so was her new husband. Their costumes were truly incredible, and partially made of paper mâché. Especially the heads of the casts were huge! They towered over their shoulders, and you couldn’t see their faces as they encapsulated their entire heads. He was dressed up as Peter Griffin of the Family Guy cartoon, and mom was Marge Simpson from The Simpsons cartoon. But although accurate in form they were coloured completely purple. Every inch of the cast and their clothes was dyed purple. And they were striding around the neighbourhood as if performing a weekly act, which caught the attention of many spectators.

But in the living room I spoke to my brother and dad but I forgot all about the troubles. I told them about my weekend staying in that student dorm and about the fun we had there, while sometimes pausing because they’d stand and watch in front of the window to watch mom and her new husband pass by on the street. I don’t know why they did that though, and every time they came by I flipped her off. Then we’d get back to my story. I told mostly my brother about running into RT, and what I had been doing, and all the fun I had, and the jokes I heard. It was fun to talk to my brother again. But then I suddenly realised I had a mom story, which I wanted to tell them about.

I told them about the shady bike guy, and explained in detail why this must be a criminal enterprise. I took way more of my brothers time and attention than this warranted, and he listened in disbelieve shaking his head. My dad had wondered off. Why would she not just go to an actual bike shop? It was still so her though. We talked and talked. But all of a sudden I remembered the dog story. I had forgotten to tell him about that! Oh boy, this caught his attention again. “She is going to do what?!” Exclaimed my brother.

My dad (who was now about 7 feet tall somehow) moved back towards us hearing this part. He couldn’t really care about the first bit with the shady bike guy, but this stuff with the dogs caught his attention. He said he would intervene. This wasn’t going to happen. The dream images fade after this. I remember vaguely we went to a family party. I barely knew anyone there, but there was one particular aunt that was nice to me in the dream. I have no idea who this person was supposed to be in real life but in the dream she was really nice to me and we had a close friendship.

At this party I confronted my mother again about the situation with the dogs, this time using the guests of the party as a crowd, but I wasn’t tactical about it. I was so mad at this woman. How could she completely disregard any grace or sanctity for honour and righteousness? How could she just abandon these dogs, of which one wasn’t even her own dog! How could she entrust the lives of these dogs to such an untrustworthy person! All she seemed to care about was her wallet and the attention she got from the crowd when she parades around the house playing dress up, and that idiot of a new husband of hers couldn’t even see he’s just another prop for her in her giant masquerade.

I realised this situation with the dogs was a perfect analogue for how she treated her children when we were teens and tweens. That’s where the heart of my anger was. I saw the analogy and I couldn’t stand it any more. At this point after I had just shouted insults at her, my mother was in her purple Marge dress again, parading around the tables at the party, entertaining people who sat there. Everyone laughed and applauded her with every new gesture she made. But every time she moved towards me with her big fake Marge Simpson head cast I’d flip her off again. I wasn’t going to play along with this game, whatever it was.

I vaguely recall leaving with D, but also made sure this one special aunt got a warm goodbye.

Date: 13-01-2023

Last night I dreamt I was an orphaned boy. I only just arrived at the orphanage where I was staying. The family that took these orphans in was a gipsy family; mother, father, bunch of kids, and also a grandfather. The grandfather had a superpower. He was invisible. We knew he was there because he talked and joked a lot, and also seemed to order the other family members around.

I was there with other orphans, and they had mixed feelings about these caretakers. Some found them fine in light of being under the care of very abusive caretakers prior, and some found them to be abusive. We fantasised about starting our own orphanage when we were older, and how we would do that, what kinds of rules we’d have, and how we would aim to make all orphans feel welcome.

We played around a bit. There weren’t many toys. I found a pump sprinkler to water plants, a big one with the sprinkler on a stick attached to a hose. At some point we were ordered to come into the kitchen. The kitchen was just as dimly lit as the rest of the house. It was dusty too. A big square kitchen table stood in the middle, and on the chairs around it sat the prime family members, including invisible grandpa.

I don’t know exactly what happened, but there were some words between the caretakers and some of the children. I wasn’t deemed guilty or something because what it was about happened before my arrival there. While this was going on I was reading a comic book and went inside that comic book story. It was cartoonishly about a sea creature that tried to end its life by jumping off a cliff into the ocean.

I came back out of the cartoon and the fight was still going on. I wanted to leave. All this fighting reminded me of episodes from my own (real) upbringing. I suddenly realised I could become invisible too, but it required me to be butt naked; only my body could become invisible, not my clothes. I was going to have to undress. Which I did. But that caught the attention of the mother and she didn’t want me to go commando, and she tried to stop me.

The strangest thing was that I watched this from third person and the “I” I was watching was Frodo from the Lord of the Rings films. I was Frodo! He (or rather I) struggled with the mother, removing ever more clothes from myself, and eventually turning invisible prematurely, which startled the mother for a few seconds which allowed ‘Frodo me’ to undress completely and move out of there.

I was now in my own body again, could see myself, naked. But I discovered that when you were invisible you could see other invisible people too, and they could see you still also. I saw the grandfather now; a wrinkled old man, smoking a cigar, who stared at me with a foul look. I also discovered there were two other invisible kids. A toddler and a kid slightly older (and bigger) than me.

The older kid was ordered by the grandfather to “catch” me. But I felt very self-conscious about being naked in front of all these other invisible people. I had thought being invisible made me invisible to all. I grabbed the “invisible” toddler and held it in front of me as to cover myself, but the others thought I was taking it hostage. They backed off, and I saw an opportunity to escape, which I successfully took.

Outside I found my sprinkler again and took it with me. I started walking into the night and eventually wondered into a small square where there was an iron statue of an old man with a hat. He looked a bit like a cowboy. There was a name tag on the pedestal of the statue. I am not certain of the name but the name could’ve been Alexander or Franklin. But I am not sure of it.

I recognised the statue from the comic book. Apparently I had seen a statue of this figure in it, but it was slightly different in a few ways. I felt alone and I started talking to the statue, said I had seen it in a comic, and how strange it was to run into it in real life. But the statue started talking back to me, and explained to me it wasn’t happy with the depiction. It was incorrect in many ways. We talked for a little while. It was a nice person, very calm and understanding. Though it could speak, I did not see anything move, not even its lips.

Then I noticed algae and moss growing on many places on the statue and I got the idea to clean them off with the sprinkler by setting the nozzle to a beam and firmly pumping it up. But I of course first offered to do this. The statue was much obliged. I started sprinkling its head and had adjusted the nozzle a bit for it to spray in a tighter beam, but I kept adjusting it because it wasn’t getting the job done. I wanted to find a balance between a hard beam but not too hard that it would discomfort or even insult the statue.

But then the statue became animated and while smiling ear to ear turned its head where I was aiming, and even helped with its fingers, scratching off the patches that held on to his surface. It was fun! I woke up soon after.

Date: 11-01-2023

This dream started off in a vacation house. The house in this dream doesn’t really exist and thus I have not been there in real life. In the dream it was a vacation house from an old friend/colleague of mine from back when I worked at the reptile shop. We were allowed to stay there; me being my wife D, myself and also my brother M. He was alone, with no spouse, but he had a bunch of friends with him.

It was night-time and I was alone. D was socialising with other people that stayed in that place, which was just a huge house now, with many rooms. I was checking out the backyard which wasn’t all that big, and much space was taken up by two narrow but deep ponds. I wondered if there were any fish in there. My friend was always fond of fishing and he was an enthusiast when it came to keeping and breeding reptiles. It would make sense for him to have some fish in there.

But I didn’t really see anything, and so I went into the house looking for a flash light. I found one, a good one, and also found an old loaf of bread. I went out again and aimed the very bright beam of light coming from the flash light into the first very deep pond. It was absolutely filled with fish; way more than would be normal. I thing the ratio between water and biomass hung somewhere around 50/50. It was insane!

Many of the fish were obviously predatory, judging from their looks. And some of them were huge! The pond was deep, but small and elongated, so the fish could move about, but it wasn’t ideal. The next pond was more of the same, but with many more smaller fish. I was looking to find a big one between the shoals of small fish, and couldn’t find one. I thought to myself my friend must be using this pond for the smaller fish until they are big enough to go to the other one.

But then on the bottom of the smaller and also incredibly deep pond I saw a huge tail fin move about between the shoals. It was near the bottom of the pond. The fish it belonged to must’ve been huge, many meters at least. I looked for it, and started throwing pieces of bread plucked from the loaf into the pond to direct the shoals to one part of the pond as to give me a clear line of sight to the big one.

While doing so I also threw some bread into the other pond, which created much turmoil in that pond too. And there were some huge individuals in that pond also. Many different species by the way. All different shapes and sizes, but mostly big ones. They fought aggressively for each piece of bread. But then I focussed my attention again on the small pond where the huge fish was now visible to me. It sat on the bottom of the pond. But not only did I see it; it saw me too and it was staring right at me angrily.

Its gaze was frightening. And to make matters even more scary, it also started speaking to me! I could understand what it said, though I just can’t remember it. It was nothing profound, but that’s all I remember. It didn’t sound like it would under water, but it sounded like voices would sound like when in air. I also recall I replied but neither do I remember the content of that reply. I do know my friend showed up and we talked about the ponds and went inside the house.

Inside the house I ran into D who was somewhere upstairs in a room that we used. It was big but also narrow. It had a big TV, and a couch right in front of the TV. M was sitting on that couch alone, watching Netflix. It was now daytime. A blue sunny sky was visible just past some branches of a tree. I talked to D and we were discussing what movie to watch. Apparently there was a new Marvel movie out, that wasn’t woke and that starred most of the old cast. She agreed to watch it.

M was done watching and wanted to pass us to exit the room. D and I jokingly obstructed his way, pretending we were in the midst of some sex act. He couldn’t pass and we were pretending we didn’t hear him until he started “joining in”. We all laughed. I invited him to come watch that movie with us. He would, was looking forward to it. Somehow though we went inside the story of the movie we were about to see, and it took part partially in that house. I don’t remember this bit all too well, besides me being able to rewind the movie if something did not go our way, so we could make other choices and not find ourselves in harms way any more.

I kept doing that a few times, and we “saw” the movie by experiencing it. I vaguely remember one scene where I was helping out a child that jokingly hid a frog somewhere and asked people that passed by to help him look for something he lost, to have them look and get scared by the big frog. He asked me, and because I foresaw his joke and was not afraid of frogs I picked up the frog and stated: “Found it!” presenting him the frog, which scared him now, funny enough. I recall also realising these frogs had been living and breeding in the fish infested ponds. I felt terrible for them. How did they survive?

The movie went on. We weren’t major players though, but just side characters. Yet, my interventions drastically aided the ending of the movie to the benefit of the protagonists. The movie was “over” and we were still in the house talking about the movie like we just exited the movie theatre. But then we heard a thundery rumble in the not too far distance. A thunderstorm?

We (Me, D, M, my friend R, and a couple of other people) went to the room on that floor that had a balcony facing the direction from which the thundery noise came. The location of this house was now all of a sudden on my old street where I grew up. We were in one of the houses on the opposite side of our parents’ house. We looked from the balcony to the horizon where we saw a very perfectly shaped cloud. It resembled the shape somewhere between a Tic-Tac and an American football. It was fluffy, not too big, maybe the size of a large plane, and it hung low in the sky.

From its bottom it suddenly dropped some kind of pearl, the release of which produced another thunder noise. We were all oblivious to what this was, and people looked at me to explain it. I had no idea what natural phenomenon this was. The ball fell to the earth and we could hear a sort of repeating hissing noise, that was getting louder, like something was approaching us. It became louder and louder, and as it got closer we could better hear the details of the sound. It was a mix of hisses with a repeating “waf” sound. The “waf” part of it sounded a bit like construction foam exiting the straw of a can of that stuff.

“WAFFFFF, WAFFFFF, WAFFFFF, WAFFFFF.” It came closer and it turned out to be the pearl, which was actually the size of a big skippy ball. Bigger even. I think at least a meter in diameter. Every time it rolled on its axes it made that sound, like there was some kind of exhaust on it that was muffled by rolling onto the ground. But no exhaust pipe was visible. We did see some minor amount of feeble smoke puffs in its wake, white in colour. It was a surreal sight.

It came to a halt on a grassy slope below the balcony. We looked at it with mixed feelings of horror and curiosity; a very uncomfortable mix. It was clear to us this was no natural phenomenon; this was technology. I had realised this the first as we saw the ball appear when the sound was approaching us, and had stated this realisation out loud. We were inside again at this point, viewing the idle ball from the balcony window. I decided to go out on the balcony again, somehow knowing this ball was after me.

It was an intuitive feeling, and I wanted to know what this was about. I stood on the balcony, and was about to jump down onto the grass, but then the ball exploded into a fiery ball of flames. It wasn’t much of a bang, and it was mostly flames that dissipated quickly, but which left the grass around it scorched black. The side of the ball had just kind of collapsed, and the interior was visible. The insides of this ball were strange. The outside seemed to have been made of some kind of white cloth. But the insides were just so surreal.

Inside I could see two big empty tin cans and a whole lot of green Heineken beer cans. The two tin cans were the kind that would normally contain soup. They were opened and had their labels removed, so they were just the silvery tin. These two cans were situated next to each other, with about the space between them of 1.5 cans. Both cans had wild orange flames that produced a lot of black smoke coming from their tops. The beer cans were all stacked. They were in stacks both horizontally, vertically, diagonally and diametrically every which way.

The beer cans seemed to have been providing the cloth its ball like shape, although I had no idea how that was even possible. This was a technology far beyond my understanding, and it was also clear to me this technological entity had bad intentions. All this happened in just a few seconds though, and while it had just happened and I had observed and realised all this, more thundering sounds rumbled over the horizon as more balls emanated from the weirdly shaped cloud that was still hanging there in the sky.

A bit of a panic ensued. We were all nervous and the house and backyard of the house had now been changed into a big playing contraption with plateaus, swings, climbing ropes, slides, and things of such kind. But it was huge, like it was meant for primates in a zoo. We scattered ourselves over the different installations, and looked at the edges of the bushes around the garden. It didn’t take long before we could hear that familiar hissing sound again, but this time it were many balls.

As they emerged it turned out to be balls of different sizes and colours. They resembled actual balls from different sports. Soccer, basketball, tennis, you name it. And they weren’t stupidly rolling along, but could make sharp turns, accelerate, decelerate, go up ramps and stairs, everything. And they were clearly after me personally. They didn’t care about the others. But as scary as it was, I stayed ahead of them and found clever ways to lead them into getting trapped or rolling off the plateaus. When they did they immediately exploded, which was kind of dangerous as it could set the whole wooden structure on fire.

But it didn’t, luckily, and I kept winning, until some angry voice sounded from the cloud. It shouted out in frustration, but I only vaguely remember this. It is as if I wasn’t that scared of it somehow, and only while writing this do I realise how incredibly scary that actually should’ve been. But it shouted and said something to me, and all the balls stopped moving. The cloud disappeared, as it went flying off into the distance at an incredible speed instantly.

I asked D to get me a sharp knife from the kitchen. The plateau now partly was a house again. I intended to cut every single one of the balls that were left. Somehow I knew that this would prevent them from becoming usable again. D got me the knife and I proceeded. But after I cut the first ball, the other balls all turned into puppy dogs, of different colours, breeds, and sizes. And they resembled puppies that were just laying there, sleeping.

Now people had gathered to see what all the thunder was about. Some knew what happened but most didn’t. I was going to cut the next one, which looked like I was going to cut the jugular of a puppy dog. I did and it turned into a flat ball. The onlookers didn’t know what to make of it, and just before I made that cut some shouted “HEY!” at me, thinking I was going to kill a little dog. But then I was going for the third one, my second puppy.

I put the knife on its throat, but something felt off. I had a feeling there was something evil watching me in anticipation. I looked at this small white Jack Russell, and felt the evil wanted me to cut this one. I came to realise the reason all balls were turned into puppies. One of them must be a real one. It was a setup. But I played along, placed the knife on its neck, made a sudden move, but I didn’t put any pressure on the blade. It was a trick move, and it fooled everyone, including the invisible evil that thought up to the last split second I had fallen for its tricks.

I could feel that evil almost exploded in frustration, but it was hopeless to do anything, as all onlookers began to applaud as the dog woke up and began to lick my face. That’s when I woke up.

Date: 16-12-2022

Last night I dreamt of boarding a train in Amersfoort to Amsterdam. On this train were family, friends, and acquaintances, mostly ones that were long lost or seen a long time ago. My friend T was on the station. We were talking and joking, and it was kinda like old times. Yet I had some reservations. I felt he pulled me in and I was a bit weary to get back into some kind of intense friendship with him considering his past behaviour.

We got on the train and the train was going away from Amersfoort because it was going to be overrun by monsters, but this wasn’t known to many. I knew though. Where the train was headed was less important than it just leaving Amersfoort now. We got on the train and I believe I lost T quite fast, though I do recall hanging out with some of his friends. I was rejoiced to see my brother M also on the train. There was the issue where we would sleep if we arrived at our destination, which by now in the dream was at least a few hours away.

But this conversation and its outcome I don’t recall. It had no baring on the plot, and I vaguely recall we were offered a place to sleep at one of these guys we were talking to, who lived in the city of our destination. On the way the train slowed down sometimes, coming almost to a full stop even. What ever was about to happen in Amersfoort was also happening elsewhere, including around the tracks where the train needed to go over. It was happening everywhere. Monsters were about to come. There was a slight panic accompanied by disbelieve.

We were passing through Hilversum when the train was just about to come to a complete halt and people started to climb on the train. They were happy they made it. Amongst these people were my mom, and my dad! I was so happy to see him. Overjoyed, really. It was so great to see him on this train. He accompanied my mom, who’s presence I was not at all happy about. She looked at me with a mixture of mad and sad. But the sad was self-pity and the mad was just plain evil rage.

The train came to a stop and the train personnel spoke through the speakers and told us we had to reverse course. Word had reached them that things were even worse where we were headed. We were going back. Slowly, really really slow, the train started moving back into the direction it came from. And my mother walked towards me with a foul look on her face, and she attempted to berate me on something she completely made up. I do not recall her speaking words, I just knew intuitively or psychically that what she was about to say had only a tiny bit of truth in it, but barely any. It was mostly lies.

I knew what she was doing. She was using the passengers in the train as a crowd she tried to get against me. Not physically or anything, but she just wanted to try and get them to believe that I severely wronged her and did so out of malice. In the crowded train wagon there was a lot of her family present. She opened her mouth but before she could string all her lies I interjected her and pointed at her saying: “You know what you did, for me to cut you out of my life! You know exactly what you did. You know it, and you pretend not to know it, but you and I both know what you did!” 

At that moment, the train still hadn’t gained any speed and was still going about as fast as a person can walk. After I brought my words in force, my mother was speechless for a few seconds. She looked at me frightened. The opposite of what she wanted happened; the other passengers saw her as the bad guy now. But she flared up again in rage. She had thought of a new angle to try and get the crowd to side against me. I decided I wasn’t going to listen to it. In fact, I didn’t see myself going on this train ride to where ever we were going, with her on this train too.

And so I turned around, walked through the crowd with my mother in tow yelling and screaming, exited the train wagon, went towards the door to exit the train with my mother still in pursuit shouting the most desperate things she could think of to get me to stay, pulled the emergency lever to open the train doors, forced the doors open manually, and just casually jumped off the train. I didn’t care about that train any more. Me leaving was part self-preservation and part making a statement. My mother had now screamed and yelled while I jumped off a train that would bring us to safety. She knew me leaving showed everyone just how severe her misconduct must’ve been if I was willing to just jump off this train like this.

I bested her evil tongue again, by not listening to it. But I was in monster territory now. Yet, I was not afraid at all, and leaving the train made me realise that train was headed towards certain doom. I mourned the loss of the people on it. My brother, my old friends. Even my father who apparently couldn’t leave her side on her way to hell. But I was also somehow very relieved to not have to carry the weight of worrying over them any more. I was at peace.