Date: 17-02-2024

Introduction:

Last night I dreamt something strange and ominous, but most of it I have forgotten. The few small details I recall make it worth typing out the dream and posting it.

Forlorn Future:

This dream took place at the street where my parents’ old house stands. It was dusk, and the sky was already quite dark. There was a weird haze hanging in the street. Like mist, but it wasn’t white. It was perhaps yellowish brown, and only ever so slightly present. I had come there to take a look out of curiosity. I think there had been some major event that had crippled society. One of the effects of this was a terrible global food shortage, but what ever that was it had not affected me. I entered the house of my parents’. The doors and windows were all missing, so I could just walk in.

Though the house looked to be in a diminishing state from the outside, it wasn’t that bad on the inside. There was still furniture in the living room and the walls were all intact. There I found my brother. He was in bad shape, both mentally and physically. He was in the company of an old woman, who I do not recognise. She was as deeply depressed as he was. But in talking to my brother and her I learned she wasn’t really there. She was the spirit of a woman that lived on the other side of the road, in the house to the right of the family DL. I knew this intuitively. My brother was so depressed that he seemed to have given up on life altogether.

There was no food, there was no one left who loved him, there was nothing. I barely remember any words he said, but I am sure this was the gist of it. Life wasn’t worth living any more. He had endured what ever had happened to society and had lived through its collapse. This experience had robbed him of the feeling of having a good measure of agency over his own life. Apparently others could just come and take it from him, so if they could do that any time they liked, then what’s the point of life? What’s the meaning of life? He told me: “If things like this happen, there can be no meaning to live.” I replied to him: “Of course there is. Life has the meaning you give it.”

This seemed to rekindle some of his will to live, and he raised his head up. Now he inquired about how I had managed to weather the storms of the collapse so well. I never really replied to him, as I didn’t think I could explain it to him, and also because I felt a bit of guilt for it. I had seen this collapse coming, but I had only prepared myself. I had taken no special effort to warn him or anyone other than to publish warnings on my website. But I did offer him something else. In the dream I had wondered about in the neighbourhood somewhat, or perhaps had even taken refuge inside the house on the other side of the road where the DL family lived, but who had vacated the house before I came. And that house had plenty of food.

I convinced M to go and take a look there. He would find all he needed in that house. M got up, and now seemed hopeful. The old woman was gone now. M told me he hadn’t checked those houses for food and barter items, because his friend (the old woman) lived there. Somehow that meant he didn’t go check those houses. I am not sure how, but in this dream this was understandable. It made sense to me. But I didn’t think M knew this old woman was a spirit. I think he thought she was a person like him. M got up and walked outside. I too went outside. As I walked to the road I stopped and didn’t cross it, while M did and proceeded.

I noticed that the house of the DL family had many cars. There were three cars parked on their driveway, and many parked out front along the street. On the garage there were two capital letters. Let’s just assume these letters were F and M, but that’s just to try and explain to you in a sensible way what I saw and concluded, which was logical in the dream, but made no sense to me in the realm where I type this out. In the dream, those capital letters were made out of plastic, or painted wood. Both those letters were on the wall of the garage above the garage door, and one of each of those letters were also on a car. So to be clear; there was a car on the driveway with the capital letter F on the back window, and a car with the capital letter M.

In the dream it was the first letter of each of the first names of the couple that lived there, but also the first letter of Father and Mother, and also for Female and Male. But in Dutch, this is not so, so I cannot explain that here. It was true in the dream though; these capital letters stood for the first letter of each of those, in the Dutch language. In the dream this was the first time I had noticed this, and I thought it was catchy, though a bit over the top, to be honest. Perhaps a bit typical for them? They did like to show off sometimes. It indicated to the outside world who’s car was whose. But then I noticed M was ringing the doorbell of the house to the right, next to the DL family. He was at the wrong house. And what happened next was horrifying.

The old woman opened the door, but she wasn’t in spirit. She was alive. This was her living body. Barely alive, though. It was in such a bad shape, that she barely clung to life at all. She was not just old, but her skin was transparent and in some kind of state of necrosis. Necrosis is a condition that occurs in people who were exposed to ionising radiation, where the cells of certain tissue are irradiated, and wounds appear that cannot heal because the DNA is severely damaged, so the cells don’t have the proper instructions to close the wound. But this woman was completely that – head to toe – and again her skin was see through.

Her skin looked like it was made of ballistics gel. And the moment she had opened the door, she cried out in pain, and I could see M was in complete shock by the sight of her. The old woman collapsed and he caught his old friend, barely managing to hold what little she weight as he was in starving shape himself. But as he caught her, she turned into liquid and I think just died there on the spot turning into a splash of fleshy transparent liquid that poured out of her clothes and covered my brother’s arms, torso, and legs. I saw this and started crying, covering my open mouth. Tears ran down my face at the sight of this.

I cried for the both of them. What a horrific sight. It was like I was watching a movie, and empathised with the protagonist over what must be a deeply traumatic experience. Apparently the old woman had been on the brink of death for a long while, but her spirit had been able to wonder of freely and had befriended my brother. She had kept him company all this time, and probably meant well for him. The scene I saw was heartbreaking, but I could do nothing. I could only watch as my brother collapsed, mentally.

 

Analysis: 

I am still shaken a bit for what happened in this dream. I first had no idea who the old woman was or what happened to her. I think her intentions were good, but she was a troubled entity. I think the saying “Misery loves company” encapsulates the core of their friendship best. They meant well, but ultimately they would not be able to lift each other out of their individual pits.

I had not been scathed by the societal collapse. I had seen it coming and had prepared. Though I am not entirely sure what this meant, two possibilities come to mind:

1. I was dead, and this was my spirit wondering about. Since my brother was able to talk to the spirit of that woman, it would mean he would be able to talk to my spirit too. I knew the woman was in spirit, but M did not. If I was a spirit myself too, that might explain how I knew. It also explains why I was unable to come to his aid when he opened that door.
2. I was there only in figure of speech. Maybe seeing the collapse coming meant I had taken preparations so that I would stand a good chance to survive, which might’ve meant I wasn’t anywhere near Amersfoort. This means the whole scene must be seen as a metaphor, or I was there through projection in a dream state. I would not be able to help my brother if I am physically far away, even though I would want to help him.

Though what bothered me was that he had undergone this traumatic event because of my encouragement to get up and look at the house on the other side of the road. He did interpret my message the wrong way though. Maybe this means that whatever I said in real life, or will say in real life in the future, will shortly uplift him, but will ultimately result in him taking it the wrong way or making a mistake that results in a traumatic event. It worries me deeply what this could mean.

My encouragement was to go to the opposite side of the road. Perhaps this is part of the metaphor for what this is about. I reluctantly think I know what this could mean. This could be about our mother. Though at first I did not want to invoke the idea this was about the three of us, I now think; why wouldn’t it be? Since translating all these dreams they both have occupied my mind again frequently. It makes sense this old woman is her.

This old woman could be indeed our mother, but her well meaning side. Inviting my brother to come to the other side of the road could perhaps be about how I inspired him to distance himself from our parents too, years ago. To “come to the other side of the road” where I had been and looked around.

His decision to – by mistake or not – open a door that I did not mean for him to open, could perhaps stand for him deciding to live with our mother again. He would eventually discover just how broken she is.

Both the spirit of this old woman and my brother himself were depressed. They were deeply unhappy, and had sought the company of each other in their unhappiness. This could very well be true for both their motivations in real life for keeping each other company.

Choosing to do this, means he will be witness to her collapse. She will succumb to her wounds and will die in distress. Though actually, I do not think this was about her physically dying in his arms. I think this could mean that the good part of her is already dead, as in the dream that part was in spirit. But her physical self is still here, and I think the persona in real life could be represented as a body that is wounded head to toe.

Maybe her bad side will eventually break and collapse, freeing her good side, and he will be there to try and catch her. But he will be barely able to do so because of how starved he himself is at that point. And even so it won’t make a difference, as her collapse will be in such a manner that no one will be able to catch her as her injuries have disfigured her so much.

There are some great pains on the horizon for us, and it seems I can only stand witness and will not be able to offer any aid.

Maybe the societal collapse in this dream wasn’t even (or only) a real societal collapse, but was perhaps a metaphor for the collapse of our family. I saw that collapse coming too, and distanced myself accordingly. I did not want to be part of this family where individuals continue to pass on unhealed pain to its other members. My family has a history of playing pain ping pong. We just keep smashing our pains towards the others. I was not able to explain how I saw this coming to my brother in the dream, and I think that is also true for real life. Whatever I intuitively know, he will need to undergo it himself before he understands.