Date: 12-03-2021 

Introduction:

Last night I didn’t sleep too well. I had some stomach cramps which I also sometimes felt in the dream world. Of the many dreams I had I recall two.

Jealous:

The first dream involved my brother and sister. I think this took place in my sister’s house, but I also recognised elements from the neighbourhood where my student dorm was where I had lived. I recall a gate door at the front of the house, that closed off an alleyway that led to the back of the house. It was a sliding door, white in colour. I had opened it and went around back, where I met my sister who I had come to visit. But unbeknownst to me our brother was there too, and he was not in a good mood. He was mad at me, and I felt from his energy that this anger was based on something unfair. He berated me about my website. Apparently things had been leaked from the website, which was strange as the website is publicly available online. Everyone can see it. But I got the sense his anger was actually concealed jealousy. This is why.

He took the approach that in his opinion my dreams are “just dreams” and they don’t hold any significance. He criticised me for having published things on my site from the context of being inspired by vivid dreams, but that was nonsense according to him. But while listening through his rant I discovered what this was actually about. He had read my encounter with our dad in a lucid dream, and put emphasis on how that wasn’t real. It was a dream. His jealousy was evident. He didn’t begrudge me that experience, and in his eyes I didn’t have any right to interpret it as anything other than just a dream. But he referred to lucid dreams he himself had which he argued were actually real, and which had revealed to him the dream world was more real than what we call the real world. I figured he was jealous because he wanted to have had this lucid experience with dad himself.

Because I had sensed how his rant was based on dishonest and unfair reasoning, I was able to keep my cool. I chose to flat out ignore him. But deep inside his words hurt me, and they struck a nerve which I felt developing into anger towards this man. He had so much potential to wake up and stay awake. It was through him I found my awakening, because of our interactions after he had a crisis a few years back. I did not want another fight. It was bad enough he didn’t want to talk to me at all, but I’d rather have that than have some kind of meaningless argument with him. But now he got mad at me for ignoring him, and that made me bite my tongue. He himself ignored me when I asked him to talk things through.

I angrily interjected him, and exclaimed: “You were the one to ignore me, so don’t you want me to leave you alone then? Cause that’s what I am doing now. Maybe you can leave me alone too?” He had no reply to that, and relented in silence. He then sat down again, morphed into a younger version of himself – about 10 years old – but kept morphing and morphing until he turned into some short legged black beast, that melted into a gooey puddle of shiny tar-like liquid that slithered away over the floor. In the dream itself this was completely normal and not out of place, but when I woke up I realised how utterly bizarre that part of the dream was. I left my sister’s house shortly after, and had to take a series of blue buses, all different bus lines. At some point M was with me again and we travelled together. Whatever was bothering him earlier he now got out of his system and we were kind to each other again.

Empty:

The second dream I had has mostly escaped me. This I remember. It was about some kind of artificial tropical paradise that was being built. Me and D were also involved in the design of that place, and we were walking along a path where new sunbathing slots had to be placed. We divided the available space into squares in such a way there would be room for a parking lot. D was holding a piece of paper, or possibly even an iPad, and whenever she drew something it would immediately be placed like it was a virtual environment.

I don’t recall much of the things that happened, but I do recall the atmosphere and my mood. The tone of this place was dull. Empty. It didn’t have a soul. We did what we did, some meaningless task in preparation of a meaningless activity in an uninspiring place. It was barren, there was only grass. The sunbathing slots were indicated by black rubber tiles like the ones you’d find on playgrounds under the swing and tumble bars. I wasn’t happy there.