Date: 09-10-2020

Introduction:

Last night I had three dream experiences. The first was not very interesting, but I will relate it just to be thorough.

The Cemetery:

D and I were walking over the cemetery where my grandparents have their final resting place. It was a beautiful day. Strangely enough the cemetery was now roofed off under a giant dome, and there were walls and doors as if it was an office space. It was still a forest but had elements of a forest and an office space. The layout remained mostly the same.

We had agreed to meet M and his girlfriend YL at the grave of dad, who in this dream had been buried with his parents. We wanted to meet up again as it had been some time since we did. And we also wanted to pay tribute to dad. Via D’s telephone we kept in contact with them. We were looking for each other on the cemetery, which is also quite large in real life. But we couldn’t find each other, until we just agreed to go to the grave and meet up there.

Then M and YL said they were there via app but D and I couldn’t find the grave where we expected it. We looked and looked, until finally we found it. When we did M and YL were waiting there. It was a happy reunion.

The Hand:

This dream was the most intense of the three, but the main dream was the third. This second dream experience started with a superhero themed dream, after which I had some kind of encounter with an astral being. This pulled me out of the dream, and I went from the astral plane to my bed. Here’s what happened:

In this second dream I dreamt I was part of a group of superheroes, much like ‘The Avengers’. Every individual had their own strengths and abilities, unique to themselves. I was one of those superheroes, and in that dream it was a given that I had an incredible inner strength. But among my fellow teammates I was insecure about my inner strength. At one point there was a meeting and each of us would explain and demonstrate their abilities to the others. A bit like telling an origin story, how you got your powers, what abilities you now have, and a demonstration. When it was my turn I imagined I was actually ‘The Hulk’. And as I imagined it, it would become true. So as I also imagined it I added other things to it, but as I was thinking about what to say I suddenly felt a rush of confidence, and I uttered the words: “I’m a monster. In me houses an enormous rage…” And while I said it, I felt an incredible anger build up in me.

And I actually turned into ‘The Hulk’, physically. I felt there was some kind of rage eruption developing inside of me. I was planning of just letting go to see what my powers would actually turn out to be, while also cool headedly explain to my fellow superheroes what I was demonstrating. Cause part of me was completely calm about it. But I never got that chance. A really big and strong hand came from behind, pushed me on my neck and forced me to the ground with this one motion. It instantly woke me up as soon as my face hit the ground, as in immediately. And as I had immediately woken up, the hand was still pushing on my neck. So to be clear; I was awake, but that part of the dream had followed me into the waking world. I laid on my right side, facing my wife, completely paralysed, while behind me a large hand on what must’ve been a strong arm, was pushing me on my neck into the pillow and mattress.

And it really pushed me into it deeply. I felt much tension on my neck, head and shoulder. This all must sound scary, and afterwards I must say it did freak me out a lot, but at that moment, I was strangely completely calm. I was trying to think of a way out of this situation. Physically, I was paralysed, but astrally I was also there, and I was able to liberate my right arm and hand to grasp each finger and push it away from my neck. And each finger I removed from my neck would mean that finger could not just snap back. It was no longer exserting force. But under each finger I removed was another finger. I kept pushing fingers away, but this hand seemed to have so many extra fingers under each digit. It was as if this hand was pushing me from many different dimensions.

I couldn’t break free. I then tried to break free from the paralysis. It didn’t occur to me to call for divine help, which is probably because I did not feel much fear. I felt inconvenienced, actually, and was just on alert. I’ve discovered a means to break free out of sleep paralysis, by trying to intensely focus on one detail in the room. It’s a trick my brother once taught me. If I succeed I can suddenly break free and move about again. And this worked. I popped back into this reality. For a few minutes I felt the imprint of a hand on my neck, like something had really been pushing me into my pillow. Then the freak-out followed. “What the fuck was that?!” But that feeling subsided, and I fell asleep again. I was catapulted into the third dream.

The Stuff:

I was inside my parents’ house in Amersfoort. I don’t know how I got in, the dream just started here. I do vaguely recall it was a given in the dream I had arrived together with my brother M, so he would get a chance to have a goodbye from the house. Officially he had come to visit our mom, but the real reason was for him to see the house one more time. But I can’t actually recall having had any interactions with M. Quite frankly I don’t think I’ve even seen him in the dream at all. But he was there, and I had accompanied him, so I was in the house myself too. I decided I would go to me old room in the attic, where I’ve lived the better part of my life, and where I used to have many terrariums with exotic animals.

But oh man, what I found in that room haunts me. I found out the room was still filled with terrariums, and in each glass enclosure there were skinny starving animals. They hadn’t been fed in years. I saw little crabs that had been feeding off each other’s legs, and which crawled forward with one or two remaining feet. I saw frogs, spiders, everything. Though it was a horrifying discovery, all the terrariums still somehow were teaming with life. Some animals had died, but that had invited flies to lay their eggs on the corpses, and the flies had multiplied, which had provided food for the remaining animals. All cages were open or connected to one another, by the way.

The shame I felt was unspeakable. The dream was almost real, almost lucid. But I kept buying into the verisimilitude. “How could I have left this all behind like this?” I asked for forgiveness out loud. I made plans to take all the remaining animals and enclosures to my work to be taken care off by the people working in the greenhouse. We already keep many tropical animals there, so this was the best place to go. I had to make it up to these animals by giving them the best life I could possibly give them. From different hiding places in the room now emerged many more animals. I recall seeing fat tree frogs emerging from behind a bookshelf (that actually held a terrarium), but also poison dart frogs, and lizards. But mostly frogs, actually.

I walked downstairs, and went outside through the back door, into the garage. It was strange. As I had taken this walk it was as if I saw the house through the eyes of my dad, who was a handyman, and I saw all kinds of things that weren’t finished. I felt a strange new form of compassion for him. I too struggle to finish things in my life, often. I arrived in the garage. It was a total mess there. Really bad, much worse than its usual state, which wasn’t very tidy either. Not at all. Among the junk I saw an old clothing closet of mine. I opened it and saw many different sweaters and t-shirts, all in excellent state. “Had I left all this behind? What a waste.”

Between all the junk I also saw many projects which I had started sometime ago, and never finished. There was no way for me to take all this stuff and bring it back with me. I had no space to put it. Neither did I want to, actually. I wanted to part from this part of my life. Mom came into the garage. It was a nice and slightly insecure version of her. We engaged in some small talk. She suggested I’d take the extractor hood for my kitchen. It was this really fancy thing, with many switches and buttons, and a display. Quite an advanced device for its purpose. “Dad had bought it some time ago, but he never got around to placing it.” Mom said. D was here now too, and she fancied the extractor hood.

But I felt extra rejective about taking stuff with us. I saw all those clothes and stuff, and thought to myself: “I already have enough stuff. This no longer suits me. This is part of the past. I have to leave the past here. I have to think about my future, and not take my past with me on that journey.” The animals were the only and obvious exception. I owed it to them to make this right. I told mom to just put the stuff on gregs-list, and she might even receive some money for it all. At this point mom had ushered everyone (not sure who) into the car. It was the grey station wagon. Perhaps this was M, his girlfriend, our sister, and her kids? I’m not sure. People. And they were leaving now, I think for good. It was something final. Mom rolled down her window on the driver side and said: “If you want you can visit us once in a while. I’d like that. We can share our sorrow of losing dad.” She spoke from her heart.

But I couldn’t. I just knew it. I thought to myself it was only a matter of time before she would spin her web and play her games again. I replied honestly: “I’m sorry, mom. I want to do this my own way on my own terms.” Sad she nodded her head, confirming my statement, and rolled the window back up. A little girl who could have been my oldest niece got in the car now, and while she got in she asked me: “How can you be so cold?” That shocked me a bit. She got in. The car started moving. Then I was there, in front of the house, with D. Suddenly there now also was a third person. An old friend of mine, who simultaneously also was an old nemesis of mine (like one person embodied two different people). And in the dream this guy was my best friend. He arrived on horse and carriage. And he had arrived at just the right time. This was perhaps an old way of transportation, but it would get the job done to move the many terrariums.

While this horse and carriage came towards me from the neighbours’ driveway, my mom drove off from our own driveway. My friend leaped off the carriage and hugged me. I immediately burst into tears. The whole situation with dad, saying goodbye to the house, the animals I had found and who I had given such a horrible life in my absence, the many things I had to leave behind, and concluding I don’t trust my mother, and being taken for a cold person while I had only just been honest; it all made me really sad. I wasn’t cold at all, I just don’t like pretence. This friend was now actually another friend (someone who in real life truly is one of my best friends, A). And A would help me sift through the junk in the garage to see what we could safe.

I accepted it was better not to leave everything behind, just because I deemed it “spiritually unclean”. Maybe some things would in fact come in handy and were worthy of bringing along with me on my journey into the future.