Date: 19-09-2020
I dreamt I was in the old bedroom of my parents in their old house. The room that later became the computer room. Everything was as it was back when this was their bedroom. Our neighbour, E (from &, D knows what this means) was there too, and she was putting clothes in their closet. She was talking about dads, the topic of dads in general. I realised she probably didn’t know my dad recently passed away, so I told her. She replied as she probably would reply if this were real: “Ah no, what? Oh how awful. When did this happen?” We talked about it and she gave me a warm hug.
Suddenly the setting changed. We were now in the living room of the old house of my grandparent on my mother’s side. Now dad, mom, my sister, grandma, my aunt on my father’s side, my parents’ neighbours from directly across the street, and a whole lot of other people were there too. The female neighbour from across the streets of my parents (BdL) stood closest to me. My brother and my wife D were not there (not anywhere during the dream). BdL looked at me with concern, and asked: “Hey, Willem, are you alright?” I felt tears burning in the corners of my eyes. I replied: “Well, actually, no. Not at all.” I felt my soul cry out.
BdL seemed to be able to sense this: “Hey, buddy, come here. Tell me what’s the matter.” She embraced me. As if an inflatable swimming pool full of water tore open through the side, I emptied my sorrows: “B, this is so bad. My dad is dead, and my mom, my mom, she, she…” I was sobbing and sniffling, and my airways began to cut off. “She is so mean, B. So incredibly mean. You have no idea how mean she is, you truly don’t. But nobody believes it!” My mom stood in this crowed but this was a version of her that cared about me.
BdL took it very seriously though: “What did she do. Tell me.” I was about to tell her, but my airways got blocked, as if I was being choked out by a Jedi using the force. I couldn’t get it out of my throat. I was suffocating. I fell to the floor on my hands and knees. With all my strength I crawled towards the backdoor that led to the backyard. “Oxygen! I need oxygen!” I exclaimed with barely a voice. The scenery now melted together with my parents’ old house. They had a sliding glass door that led to the backyard, and that one was now present in this house. People opened the sliding door. I crawled outside on all fours. The yard was somehow mirrored to how it normally looks; their barn was on the other side.
I sat down with my back to the wall of the barn, gasping for air. It was sooooo hard to get air inside my lungs. I was about to die. But I was also determined to tell people the truth about my mother. The people that were inside now all gathered around me in a half circle. They remained standing. I started telling my story to this crowd, which included mom and dad. With every short sentence I got out, I needed to take a pause to get air inside my lungs, which took close to ten seconds between each line. Something was choking me. But I wasn’t going to let it deter me from saying my truth. I was determined. This had to be said. It needed to come to light. And because I could only say so little in one go, I needed to carefully choose what I said, so I was to the point.
I said: “My dad wanted to be buried in the forest!” (pause for gasping for air) “That was his lifelong wish.” (pause for gasping for air) “But my mother thinks she can take ownership of him in his death.” (pause for gasping for air) “And has cremated him against his wishes.” (pause for gasping for air) “The ashes she appropriates for herself.” (pause for gasping for air) “And that’s how she always handled him!” (pause for gasping for air) “And he (meaning my dad, who was standing there silently with a big smile on his face) couldn’t see it.” (pause for gasping for air) “She was his sweetheart.” (pause for gasping for air) “She could do no wrong in his eyes.” (pause for gasping for air)… and while I gasped for air, my aunt (dad’s sister) confirmed: “Yup! That’s completely true.” My mom even nodded, and seemed to be really concerned for me. But my dad had now suddenly disappeared, as if he was a hologram that was switched off! I think he wasn’t able to hear the next part.
Suddenly I found the strength to get back on my feet. I felt my airways clear up, and felt ever less choked. I took a deep breath, and then looked at mom. I looked her straight in the eyes and said: “Those ashes are supposed to be in the forest, not with you at home!” The expression on her face changed. She became malevolent. Though she remained forcefully calm and said: “No. This was agreed upon with your fathe…” I interjected her: “What you have done is dishonourable, dishonest, and unjust! You need to set this straight!” She became vicious, and told me that dad had left everything to her, so that included his remains and how the funeral would take place. But I would have none of it, and flew upwards towards her, left arm stretched, reaching for her throat, and pushed her to the ground, choking her out, like I have done in dreams before where I would attack a demon or possessed person, to get them to yield. I had not been unsuccessful in past dreams.
I had my left hand around her throat, and sat with my body on her stomach. She was floundering wildly. I started my exorcism, and felt the power in my gaze. I brought my face nose to nose with hers, and looked her in the eyes as intensely as I could: “Make things right. You do not have the right to do what you did. It doesn’t work that way!” She didn’t yield. I continued: “Don’t you get it? This isn’t about those ashes. This is about your soul!” Her mouth began to open wide, and her eyes started to move uncontrollably and rapidly, looking in every direction, independently of each other. “You are again on that crossroad where you have been before. Do you choose light? Or will you go back into the darkness?” Her eyes were spinning wildly in her eye sockets, as if they were about to pop out at any time, and her mouth now opened up so wide that the molars on the upper and lower jab bone would now connect so that her teeth formed a perfect O ring.
She was floundering and floundering, fighting my hold over her. I saw the pure evil in her, which was nothing but panic, which is an expression of pure fear. She was afraid. Her eyes kept speeding up, spinning wildly and erratically at an impossible speed, her mouth still widely opened, her arms and legs juggling and taking every possible angle and position possible in every second. This being did not look human. The fast movements of all these limbs and the expression on her face smudged it into an evil entity. Would I have had a camera and used it to take a picture with a long exposure time, I think it would’ve shown me what the thing that possesses her looks like. It was her purest evil form. But as she fought my hold, I felt I was losing this battle. I tried to fight it, but I couldn’t. She gained strength and was overcoming my grip.
She began to rise her torso from the ground, and I lost my hold, and slid off her. In a completely unnatural fashion she erected herself onto her legs, like she was on a plank that was being raised upwards. And then she was on her feet and regained her familiar form. She then walked towards the garden door, and stood there for a few seconds with her back to me and the crowd. Naively I hoped that maybe the evil had left her, and I got up, walked to her, and put my hand on her should: “Mom, you have to bring those ashes to the forest. This is about your soul.” But she turned around and had seemingly completely recovered from her prior state. Sporting her “keeping up appearances” smile to me I immediately saw things were bad. “No, son, I don’t have to do anything. This was his will. He agreed to this with me.” The people around us now walked to her side, and faced me, including BdL. The atmosphere changed. They turned against me, believing her.
Everyone went back inside. This was now the old house of my parents. They got towards the front room of the house, where my parents used to have a big round oakwood saloon table. That table stood there in this dream, and everyone gathered around it. My mom, my sister, the entire family from across the street. My mom had made a drink for everyone, with lime. She had attempted to make the drink as I make it, but she hadn’t done it right. She had tried to copy something in the hopes it would pass for the original thing. She had made it for everyone, except for me. I said: “Oh, so now I don’t get any thing any more?” Her witty reply: “Isn’t that what you wanted? I thought you didn’t want to be a part of this family any more? That’s what you got now, so stop complaining.” And she had a point.
I left. The dream continued at another place, but I don’t recall many details. Just that there were a lot of children. There was sand, climbing obstacles, slides, swings, and the children were playing happily. I do recall that I really had to pee in the dream, and was looking for a place to take a leak. When I woke up I had to piss like a horse.
