Date: 12-06-2015
Last night I had many dreams. I’ve forgotten plenty, but was able to write down what’s below. I think there was a phase where I went astral again. The cinematic dreams followed after. They involved an online friend of mine, who lived not too far from me, the next town over. His name is TR. In this dream I was still living in the house with my parents, but I rented out a place that looks just like the interior of my student dorm room, and I had all my stuff from that place with me. TR asked me via app to come to him. He was going to travel to Barneveld, to a school there. The school space was rented out by the organisation of a photo competition, for the award ceremony of the winning photos. TR had competed in it, but he had used a photo I took, and that photo won a price. He wanted to do the honourable thing and make sure I receive that price myself. He suggested I took the bus to him, after which we would go to Barneveld from his house by car.
But in this dream I suddenly recalled having loads of money, or having had loads of money some time ago, with which I had bought me a Porsche sports car. I also had gotten my drivers license in that dream too. The Porsche had been waiting for me in the garage all that time, I never really used it much. I went to the garage, and found it a total mess. There was garage junk everywhere, and indeed my Porsche was under it all. There was junk next to, on top of, and even inside the otherwise pristine looking silver sports car. Though it was also covered under a thin layer of dust. But the car was there, and I was excited. I had a Porsche! But I had no idea how to drive it any more. I had forgotten all about it, including how to operate it. I got it to start though, which was very cool. It sat low by the ground, and its engine roared with a low sounding hum. It reminded me of the sound of a sports car of a friend of mine, though this car was in tip top condition, even inside.
But then my dad came into the garage, through the big garage door. He had heard the roaring of the engine of my car, and he wanted to have a word with me. We got into some kind of argument. It was his opinion I couldn’t just ignore him, and he defended his position that he thought he had the right to occasionally belittle me, and when I shunned him he no longer could. He said that, but I think he understood how bad that all sounded, so he added to it that he thought it was “not done” to not visit your dad on father’s day and his birthday, which I hadn’t done this year since living on my own. I was so done with this discussion, and he revealed what this was actually about. He wanted control over me. But as I sighed I suddenly remembered how to operate the car, and confidently looked him in the eye and calmly but angrily said: “Here, I got this for your birthday.” while flipping him off with my middle finger and speeding away in the car. The engine was so loud! It was epic.
This was a victory for me. I stood up to him, but mostly also against the nonsense and hierarchy of the old ways in that household. I drove to the school in Barneveld. The drive to the school was very joyful. It was truly a treat to drive this car. I arrived at the school. My ex was there too. We didn’t talk, but we met eyes a few times. I was always occupied whenever she tried to get my attention, and every time she would see her chance, something would happen so she couldn’t reach me. It was as if the distance I had created between us had manifested itself into her not being able to reach me. I could tell she was impressed by the car, and also was happy for me for winning the price. I think we eventually did talk, and we were nice to each other. But both of us said some very direct things to the other. We both needed closure.
